Kat's Writing Journal

Once upon a time, I lived in a grand house and with a room just for my dolls, and a nurse to dress me and say nice things to me, and a nanny to teach me my letters, and a cook who’d make sweet things for good girls that ate all their vegetables. I had closets full of colorful frocks and even colorful pinafores to go with them. My father was a brave captain in the kings army fighting the war. One day he would come home triumphantly and we’d live together as a family. My Nurse used to tell me that all the time. She was not my family though, and how I wished and wished that I would finally have one. Wishes are dangerous things because one day a dark carriage arrived baring three darker dressed women who said they were my aunts. That meant they were my family and they would decide what was to be done with me.

They told me my father was a traitor when I was too young to really know what that meant. The told me I was unwanted and might as well be an orphan and I should be grateful for any kindness. My Aunts packed me out of my father’s house and moved me about from one distant relative to another. Finally I ended up in front of a house that looked like it was falling apart to be delivered to a woman who had all ready fallen (what ever that meant).

When I arrived she shouted at the carriage man and said if he didn’t take me back with him she’d chop me up and use me for supper. She screamed and cried and threw things, but they just ignored her as much as they had ignored me. My belongings were dumped and I was left alone.
Auntie was a frightening woman. She didn’t have enough to care for herself and wasn’t about to care for an unwanted girl like me. When I cried she slapped me and told me she should hang me for being a traitors daughter and that everyone would cheer. She’d get her money’s worth out of me one way or another. She wailed that I was too young, that they would stop coming because she had a child now, that she was ruined.

The other aunties had already said she was ruined so I didn’t understand. This got me slapped several times and locked in a closet where I could scream and cry as much as I liked. It was dark and frightening and I did cry. I cried for my nurse and for my father. I cried for my dolls and my home. I cried every tear inside of my until I was too dry to cry anymore and then I went to sleep. When I woke everything changed.

My Auntie would never be called Auntie unless the other Aunties came to visit, only “Mam” and when gentlemen were here “My Lady.” I was now her maid. She would teach me my duties once and hit me if I didn’t do them right. I was to be like her Nurse and help her get dressed now. I was to clean the house and prepare and serve her lunch. I could eat only after she ate.

I was Mam’s servant for 3 years and never a day without a bruise somewhere. The outside of the house was still slowly falling but I kept the inside clean. I prayed each night to see my father again, that he would come and rescue me from this awful place but he never came. The gentlemen that did come were a strange lot. Some were even kind to me. I was never allowed to spend much time in their presence. One day Mam promised I would. One that day I would earn back every kindness she ever bestowed on me. Some afternoons she’s grab my chin and look into my face while I was helping her dress. “Still too young. Too green. But soon I think.”

I had one good dress and I was to wear it if ever the other Aunties came. I was not to call her “mam” in their presence and not to tell them about my new chores. I was to tell them how I loved my lessons and my bruises were from dancing lessons. I understood she was as much afraid of the Aunties as I was afraid of her.

One day she bought me a new dress. She was excited and a little drunk. “Soon is now” she said, “Soon is now.”
“Mam?”

“Tonight you will not be my little maid.” And then she laughed, “tomorrow you won’t be a maiden.”
“I don’t understand.”

“Tonight we will entertain two gentlemen. Mr. Faringsworth has a nephew who has just returned from the war. He’s been away for many years and as a reward for his services Mr. Farisngsworth will pay me much for you to entertain him.”

“I don’t know how.” I told her looking at the dress. She grabbed my ear.

“You’ll learn!” She was in a good mood, but she was still my Mam and her hands were still as hurtful. She was different that though. She made me bathe and perfumed me. She brushed out my hair and pinned it up. She put rouge on my lips and dressed me in the new gown. It made me look years older. It made me want to cry.

“None of that!” Mam threatened, and then we heard horses. It was confusing because it was still daylight and the gentlemen only came at night. Mam went to the window and could see a unfamiliar carriage arriving at her house. She stood uncertain and looked down at me and then grinned.

“It must be one of the Aunties. You are even properly dressed.” She said and then soaked a rag and handed it to me. “Wash that paint off your face and come down.” Mam went to quickly dress herself and get the door.

The rouge was difficult to remove but I carefully worked at it afraid of what an Auntie might say seeing me wearing it. Then I heard a Mam shout out in surprise; and then my name. It sounded foreign; partially because it had been years since anyone had used it, and partially because the voice of the woman calling my name was foreign. I cautiously walked down the stairs. My feet were still bare and the stairs creaked. Below was the most beautiful Lady I had ever seen, accompanied by a footman.

“Ella?” She said again looking at me.

“Are you a new Auntie?” I asked looking nervously at Mam.

“No, no. I am your mother.” She said with a rich foreign accent.

“She has no mother!” Mam said scathingly.

“Stepmother.” The lady corrected. She kept her eyes locked on me, “And you must be his Ella. You have his eyes, and nose.”

“This is not possible!” Mam shouted but the footman prevented her from attacking the beautiful lady. Then she said the most magical things in the world to me.

“Come Ella, go and gather your things. I’ve come to take you home.”

I have been wanting to write a story about witches since I was in highschool. I have a lot of witchcraft in me. I also have a need for cats. magic cats.

I don't have an outline and I don't know where I'm going with this, but I have a beginning:

"We need a new witch."
For a moment the words suspended in the air as if Cali could reach out and take them back. Avery hoped she might. Donner refused to lift his head as if he hadn't heard. The fact was they were all a little too old for this.
"It's over." Donner said softly.
"No." Cali jumped up. "No! It's not over. We need a new witch is all. Someone stronger. We'll find a witch that isn't afraid of the darkness, and won't be tempted by its power. One that can pierce the darkness and drive it back! She'll even get Joey back for us! I'm having a vision! I'm having a vision!" All of Cali's fur was standing on edge and the little orange cat arched her back to feel the flow of magical energy as it ran through her.
"You not having a vision Cali. You're just having wishful thinking. Wishful thinking is useless now. We can't grant wishes to ourselves." The old black cat stood though, tucking his feet under her white tipped tail.
"I don't know Donner, I feel it too. Something that smelled of Prophecy. Say more of your vision Cali."
"No!" Donner commanded. "No dreams! No wishful thinking. Our Charge is gone. Swallowed by darkness. We have failed and there is no hope for us."
Avery and Cali turned their heads in unison ears dropping back they both looked at Donner with spirit eye. Cali let out a whimper seeing the deep blackened wounds Donner had been hiding.
"Donner." Avery said hurt for his friend.
"I'll be dead by sun set." Donner told them. "You have till sundown before the Darkness takes me and makes me hunt you down. And I know you. I trained you. It will know everything I do. You will not survive the night kittens. We will all join our lost charge in darkness."
Avery stepped protectively in front of Cali. "You can fight this Donner."
"What is the point? If I kill the two of you now while the Darkness has not yet taken you over, you can at least be reborn to another charge. This might be for the best."
"Fight the Darkness Donner!" Avery hissed. The brown and black tabby had a smaller presence that Donner but in the last few months had grown bigger than his mentor.
"I've been fighting the darkness for several lifetimes A. It's over. It's over for me. But before I go I can at least help the two of you begin again." With that he leapt at Avery. Cali ran. It was not too late. Not if she could find that witch.

Having put more thought into my novel.

The book opens with Dog at the Dragon cave, and the scene ends with the Dragon waking while Dog is there. (Dog is critters new name.)

Then I start with A pregnant Willow running away out in the wilderness and to certain death wich is preferable to her than having to marry Speaker Drake. She has gotten herself in a huge mess, she's in love with Pierce but is carrying Winds child. She is cold and wet, and sore and miserable reflecting on her own sorrows when she comes across the wounded Dog and the remains of a dead dragon. The mere sight of the Dragon is enough to cause her skin to burn from the memory of dragon attacks but before she becomes consumed by the memory, Dog grabs her leg, he is still alive and wants help.

Willow can ease his pain and focusing on his present need blocks the memory of the dragon from her mind. With medicine and magic she heals him enough to move him. He leads her to a safer spot and she continues to nurse him reflect on the events that brought her here. Missing Pierce and Wind and fearing Drake.

Dog heals faster than Willow expects, and while she rests returns to the Dragon body for trophies. He finds the place but the dragon is gone, and a pack of wolves is devouring the remains of a "Spirit", Dogs name for Willows people. Dog fights the Pack leader and Willow shows up as the others close in to attack dog. She makes a noise with one of her gadgets that sends them away. "you are Trouble." she tells the "Primitive". Her name for Dogs people.

"No," Dog says quite happily holding up the limp body of the Pack leader-" I am now Grey Wolf!"

Willow of Wolf discuss what happened to the Dragon, how the animals couldn't have consumed all of it. Wold doesn't want to tell Willow about the spirit boy being devoured.

------>

Now I'm thinking that the old palace of the "Spirits" should be near by and thats why the Dragon was so near.

I kind of want Wolf to lead Willow back to his people. He can re-unite with Robin and they can take Willow in. Willow gets to see that the Primitives are not so primitive.

But then I want Wolf and Willow to explore the olf Palace. Robin, tired of waiting for his return tracks him down. It is bold for her but she doesn't care, she has keen perception and could find him.

They could all stay at the ruins of the old palace which would still have some of the things that Willow is going to need to have her baby. Willow has hope.

This will take some concideration.

Pierce will be the first to find Willow where ever she is, and I don't know when or where I want him to find her.

I will need to reflect on this.

-kat

Readers Beweare: This is my witing journal. This is for Brainhashing, reworking, experimentation and outlining.
decisions I make in it today maybe overturned tomorrow. This is my mental record, with emphasis on MENTAL.



Novel Options:

After talking about the novel with Michael in the car there is the option of leaving everything in place and just continuing where I left off.
The appeal of this is I won't have to write as much. The downside is that I was having trouble then pulling the book together, more so now.


Option 2:

Id rather refocus the novel on one main event and the people involved.
Id like to make Wind More dynamic. I'd like to make Petrark more of a dick, more dangerous. I think I rename HIM Drake.
Id like to make Willow more intensly inlove with both Wind and Pierce.

I wrote this excelent piece where Critter finds a dragon and contemplates killing it.
I want to take that one further and end that peice with The Dragon waking up while Critter is there.

I think that Willow's tlae needs to begin with her doing something.
Then I thought - She's running away. She's In love with Pierce, shes made love to Wind and after she is coronated as Heart of Unity she'll be foreced to marry Pet.
She runs because she wakes knowing shes pregnant and needs to keep that truth from unity. She runs into Critter on his way home from his naming.

Which of the brothers goes after her? Which stays to challenge Pet? Pet will be campaigning Unity against Wind because he doesn't want to give up his seat as Speaker.
If Wind leaves then Pet can accuse him of abandoning unity.

Where does the dragon come from?
Pet is behind this. I think it happens after he looses the Speaker seat to Wind.
He knows where the forbidden archive is stored. He makes the dragon so that He can save Unity.
(of course he dies first and the dragon is out of control)

Now Critter has already killed one of these
But he needs help. He and Willow begin grabbing people during the attack anchoring their minds with Critters.
Those buffered by Critters mind are able to fight the pain and panic and face their Dragon.
As speaker Wind is able to force the Dragon down, and Critter then puts it out of its misery.

This is my more focused approach.

Does Wind still die? I don't know yet. But after killing the second drasgon Critter is free to rejoin Robin.

A Brief History of The Memory of dragons:

Wind Prince of the Elfin City
Critter
Willow
Pierce
Petriarch

Original story:
And elven prince and a human boy make an unlikely friendship that saves both their people from devistation. The elvin prince looses his life and the human raises the elfs daughter awayfrom the elven city.

When she is of age she returns and claims the city for her own. She survives elvin duplicity because of her human teachings, rights the wrongs fo her fathers killers and becomes queen of the city

Before she can be crowned and to prevent a war with other elven peoples she marries a crippled elvin prince. And helps save his people from a devistatng plague.


Idea:
Write about narrating the friendship of the father and human Critter.

New story:
Starts with Windsongs removal from the elfin city and reflect back into critters childhood raised as a Human hunter-gatherer. Crossing paths with a tribe of elfs and then with the prince, injured and then magically bound to the prince.

Then explores the backround of the prince and his half brother Pierce.

And his love the mother of Windsong Laurel-renamed Willow.

Have touble bringing the story to a climax

Re write beginning with Critter finding a dragon- gets me no closer to an ending.


Consider canceling the novel.

Several times.


Re-examin the story Im telling.
What is it about?

Critter is the first human who can use magic on this world, but slays a dragon to save an elven city non magically.

The character of Petrarch is not only annoying to spell, I think he's an annoying character.

The basic theme of memory is that we are doomed to make the same mistakes over if we are removed from our past and there for the Elven city is doomed to die in a blaze from dragon fire. Except the city is saved this time, things change. What is the significance of that?


I thought last night about the elements and the names
Wind
Critter-earth animal
Willow-earth plant
Pierce- steel

I should do more or less with this.

And the story. Its not enough to be Windsong's back story. I need to completely sever rather than loosely base.

I hate the name critter.

The problem is I tried a re-write of the novel before and it sapped my gumption for many months, it was over whelming and I felt lame and lost.

Of course part of that problem is my own mental health as I swing from bouts of anxiety and depression that have hit me since dad knows when. (no really, my father actually knows when). I get insecure or just paralyzed with self loathing.

Unfinished novels are just fuel to that self loathing so finishing the novel will actually improve my mental health.

So I need a new plan, a new outline but I don't really want to write a new book I want to write this book I just want to write it better.

More on this later.